I was just done with my Sociology of education final exam

It feels as if many very heavy weights has been lifted from my shoulders.

Thank God !!!

One more exam to go...
Even though pishi don't look at it as an exam, since I am not familiar with the topics, it requires times and effort still.

I will celebrate my graduation next week.. yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey

God knows how happy I am next week at the same time... :D:D:D:D:D:D

you know what? for the past 10 years, this is the first time that I feel fulfilled personally. the last time was when I got addmission to U of T. It has been hard past 10 years and I don't know how 20-30 passed.
BUT,
I have a long life ahead and I will make up for everything. yeeeeeeeeeeeeey

sick and lonely

It is 9:15 PM
I am very sick. I am very alone. no one is here to take care of me.
pishi went to second cup at king to study.
I am very sick and like most of the time in this life, no one is here to take care of me.
 I don't want to interrupt his concentration and I wanted him to go and study.
but I really need someone to give me soup and medicine and comfort. That's what I have always done for everybody.

I am writing this to remember these days and to remind pishi how I understanding I was so he won't tell me that I am not agreeable.
well, life has given me no option.
I threw up a lot now. I cried because I was scared that i would faint because I felt that I couldn't keep my balance . I sat in the washroom for 5 mins before I could get up from the toilet sink.

I wish someone was here to comfort me. I am very sick and I am very alone whenever I am sick.
I guess my rage and anger sometimes is because of all these things that draw on my unconscious.
I encouraged him to go and study because he doesn't have enough time to study during days. I prayed for him a lot and I hope one day he gets what he deserves. and I hope one day we become a normal united family.
anyways, I love our life and I hope one day it gets better.

Our Baby Simba

hi,
Omg I am so happy...
two nights ago pishi told me that the other purdy breeder was actually a broker and we are better off not purchasing our puppy from them. that was the only hope that we had.
pishi told me not to worry and he told that he will find a good breeder and good puppy.
one day after that which was yesterday around 5 PM, he called me and said he has found the love of his life. I looked at the pics and I fell in love with the puppy on the first site and on the first picture.
So, I called the breeder and she told me that the puppy whose name is Izzo is still available but they are more than 5 hours far from toronto.
pishi came home and said that we should go and see him. after a few phone calls to the breeder, my BAHAL pishi started booking hotel in Montreal and we rented a car for tomorrow morning to go there.
Belive it or not, as crazy as we are, we decided to make it like a trip and we are going to stay in Montreal for two days and have some fun as well.
However, ;)..... do not ignore the fact that pishi has his final exam on the coming friday and I have a paper due and two final exams in the next 9 days. but as we said always, we wanted to live an extra-ordinary and unusual life and we made it. most of our memories are the ones with unusual and pleasanet reactions and places that we went to see at times when no one would do so :D:D:D:D:D and this is the beaury of our lives.
so, one important things is that PEOPLE SHOULD ALWAYS LEAVE THE WORK TO THE PROFESSIONALS like pishi ;)
as always, he made his promise and we made it a fun trip.
it is now 5:15 PM on friday. pishi is at work. I finished my assignment for D33, and I want to start cleaning the house and pack up our stuff for our trip. I have to pack up Simba's toys and blankets as well. yeeeeeeeeeeeey
my baby boy is coming home in 3-4 weeks. we love him so much. let's hope for the best and wish that he is as sweet as he shows in the picture, then everything is perfectly set. yeeeeeeeeeeeeeey.
tomorrow by this time, we have seen our cutie son and from what I know from pishi and I, we are going crazy at this time tomorrow or if Izzo is not matching our tatste, we are as cold as ice. LOL
but I am kind of sure Izzo is our puupy.
here is few pics of this cutie gentle man.....

shut the...up

why can't you just shut the fuck up???????????????
I am so hateful of your double-standard and unstable personality and belief........
for god's sake you have born to be a women..
what the fuck is wrong with you in this world?
didn't you fucking your life lesson?

I am so ashamed of humans actions, thoughts and....

anyways!!! god bless you
what you say and what you do, every day makes me realize how much I wish I never met you...
never seen such a wiered person in my life,... at this age? no way...
try to make mistakes like everyone else so at least I could say you don't understand. the problem is that I know you understand what you are saying....
I don't even know how pishi grew up with you guys. even a single similarity between you guys, would cause me and pishi not to end up together.

anyways!!!!
gotta get back to my assignment, I am at Robarts and  I have more important things to attend other than your khale zanak personality which is causing me to become one and I won't let that happen.
You are going out my loop which is good ...

bye for now

change

hi,
it is 4:23 and I am in Robart's library doing assignmnet for d33.
since last time that I wroyte in my blog, a lot of things has changed.
I handed in two assignments and I am working on the 4th paper that is due this tuesday.

last saturday we went and saw the caramel simba in hamilton and we terminated the contract and didn't buy him cause he did not look like as we expected and he had disability issues I guess ;)
it has been three days that I have changed my paradigm and decided to make a balance as much as possible between my school life and my personal life and it sounds that it has worked already.

I splitted this balance between:
1- school
2- gym
3- diet
4- pishi and .... ( pending to be done today ;))
5- taking care of home.

I am a bit calmer now even though my school stuff is not being done as fast as before, but I am in a healthy mood and my school is going well with a slower pace.

anyways. I have to review an article now. gotta go

D33 assignment

I was so worried about my unfinished assignement so I woke up in the morning and worked on it straight until 1 PM.
I wrote the assignment single spaced and when I double-spaced it with the required fond, I realized that i am one page short. so I had to add a lot of stuff which I did but still it didn't end up being full 8 pages.
well I'd rather lose mark for shorter assignment than him giving me shit for putting stupid material in my paper.
anyways!

I sent the asssignement to pishi and due to some technical difficulty ;) LOL with my phone and stuff, I didn't send the proper doc to pishi. it is now 2:22 PM and I am waiting for edited version of my paper.

mojgan called me and told me that their medical is completed and she told me that my brother knew. I texted him and told him u knew. he texted me back and said " injoori nist ke fek mikoni. behet baad az karam zang mizanam."
hala may be he is totally right or may be not.
let's see ;)

anyway ziadam baram mohem nist since I am changing my whole paradigm.
the only important thing is that me and pishi never hide anything from each other and we are happy.
Although I don't think p... had any bad intention but stull that does not matter.  I like him the way I always did but I just realized that how bi-siasat and childish my feelings are. well even if he didn't hide, it had a good lesson for me.:)
I take a lesson recently from everything. may be this was a very good one ;)

salam,
alan saat 10:17 shabe. pishi vaysade joloye man mige plastic boyee zadim too rah goosham terekid ;)
I woke up today and went to RBC at Union Station and came straight back to 11th floor to work on my assignment for D33. It is about RCT trials. it was a lot of work and it wasn't done. I have to wake up early in the morning and work on it since it was due tomorrow
right now, pishi put plastic boy in my ears and every second of my life is passing in front of my eyes every second it plays its bits in my ears.
this is the story of my life. full of UPS and DOWNS. wow... I grew up finally...finally...

I ran, I ran, 10 yrs..... very unfriendly life in front me. a lot of them couldn't even come out of my mouth. ,,,,,,,, then I met pishi....everything is changing... everything.... smoothing out....then life started to sing for me...

ummm,,,
anyways,
so just wanted to say that my mind has been very busy for the past two days.
It is been months that I couldn't wake up and do something that make me happy. it has been all about school and studying... I was already depressed when two nights ago that happened.
I was already in the middle of breaking but no one knew except pishi.
it is ok. I always say, that blow that doesn't make you bend, makes you a stronger person and I am not gonna fall down. I never did.
and this time I will fight it as well.
right now, I don't have much energy

I am crashing, I am falling,
sara, you really are killing me inside.........
I am really tired. it is not what happened two nights ago.
it is everything that is replaying in front of me...
why me? why so many crap has to pass in front of me whenever I wanna review my life?
why should the happiest moments of my adolescence be when I was friend with the most fucked up person which is Rana. interestingly  that was the only good moments which I was trying to escape from me and everyone else. other than that, everything was smashed and I was running and running...

and I guess pishi wanted to charm me, and he played suave mente in my ears ;) LOL and now I forget about everything and started dancing. hehehe....

suave mente,,,,,I make u feel u whatever....if u take me away..... LOL ;)
it's like dejavou babe ;)

anyways, after this I forgot what I wanted to write ;)
just wanted to say that i am very vulnerable at the moment and the only person who has always been in every moment by moment of my life is pishi and I am sure I ll get through this stage with pishim.
he has provided me with every peace in this house
only 4 more assignments and 3 final exams left ;) LOL
and about parents, later or sooner, I had to go through this stage. so better now.