Passed the Pre-Registration Segment

Today, after a long wait and after one time failing phase 3 of Real Estate COurses, pishi called me and let me know that I passed the exam with 84.
I am so happy and looking forward to open the newest chapter of my life.

Thank you God, Thank you Pishi and everything that helped me hand in hand to pass this stage of 20s and enter to a new stage in my 30.

hope to use all the resources and experiences that I have gathered throughout my short life and use them productively in my next new decade.

Me, Leo, my Phone, and my Laptop will have to stay very good friends of each other for the rest of the coming decade.

and we welcomed Leo on the past Saturday. now we have to girls (me and mishka), and two handsome guys (Pishi and Leo) in our family which we should take a good care of each other

Today, I was reborn again...
(The first time after 10 years) :)

Nemibakhsham

Superficial

PI did not even for a second thought that our relationship is "superficial"

Thanks for mentioning and opening my eyes. 

The funny thing is that i always thought otherwise....

But I yuess sex makes everything pure which in this case you are absolutely right. 

Hi

This letter is from a girl whose voice remained silenced under the dust of a wild, and a selfish dominant inhumane culture...

A culture who has seen nothing but coercion and by all means in all angels including: family dysfunction, cultural rape from men, education suicide and etc

A culture who treats every woman as an elemnt of non-existance who cannot change any variable so the scope of is not even measurable. 

My verdict on earth...

I am a convict...

My conviction is Honesty and Simlicity...

The verdict is out: " Devolution for Life on Earth"..

And yes, it is my punishment and it should be served

It's been a pretty tough time

Hopefully, i will pass this time

I have studied very hard. 

Hope to get the result that i deserve

My soul was happy 2 nite

Ad i was grabbing you to you on the bed, your smile, like a flower in the spring,smiled at me and made my life worth living. You are a gift and i feel gifted to have u here in my life. Everything is going to be alright my love. Life is safe for us when we re together...

Tired

I feel like sitting in a corner,

Turn my back to the world,

Hug my legs,

And scream loud:   " i don't want to play the game of this life any more"

I am so very tired....

Pishooo

 Nothing is permanent,,,,

And this is my halloween candy :)

And after a good argument, we started to eat my halloween candy from pishi

Dont know how to deal with this one now

God help me

I'm getting killed inside

Help me to deal with him and get it over with tonight

Sounds like when i used to not show my sorrow to anyone worked better

Get back to who were. That's the art of my survival so no one feels desperate liking me liking me as my parents or loving me as my husband

Get stronger than ever before

I failed :(

I failed my exam 

Last night, right when i finished cleaning and making food, i found out that i failed the 3rd course. 

Very unfair.

When i got suspended from university, i remember that i kept telling mysekf that i deserve it because i didn't take school seriously and i literally didn't even bother to go to mu classes. 

BUTTTT,

This one was very unfair. 

A day has passes and i am still in shock. 

Stufied the whole day today. 

The only explanation,

FUCK evil eye

Honda depositttttttt

We are at the dealership

Yeeeeey just paid the deposiiiiit 

Pick up on nov 22nd

Yeeeeeeeey hoooooooraaaaaaaaa

Mashine 0 kiloooooooomeeeeeetr our baby accord here you cooooome 

Nice day after all...

I love my life today. 

Studied pretty well. Cooked chicken noodle soup. Had a glass of wine and heading to swimming pool ....

I wish i would truely behave the same way when i feel so depressed, desperate, helplesss, hopeless and alone. 

I am realizing that it is absolutely just the state of mind that makes you feel the way you do. 

And i think i am getting to a good understanding. It might help me to help myself with depression when it comes to me. 

Nice lesson and hope for its internalization for the future to come. 

I dont want to use my fancy wine glasses. Look what i have poured my wine in ;) 

And life goes on .....

My first mushroom kookoo;)

It's now 7:17 pm on saturday. Pishi just came home from work and studying.  

I finished studying residential around 2 pm and i started cooking this beautiful mushroom cookoo ;)

We just decided to eat at home from now on since we are buying a car. Surprisingly i realized how much we love it :)

I love him so much

He can't call me anymore and i should understand and be patient :(

No miss calls or ring anymore

Just silence and silence

I can almost hear the sound of my breath these days.....

3 more weeks.... And i will begin my new life.... 

It's hard to only study and talk to no one.... Help me go through this 3 more weeks before i lose my strenght

To the good beginning :(

Don't know what to say anymore

I don't understand. 

Wish i was never born :((((

Her 1st 24hrs in toronto

Last night pishi's mom arrived and it is always the same story of ignorance and game with her. Though i got a little affected last night, today i started my day with a new mindset. 

Last night, pishim gave me his kindness and cuddles and love. What more could i possibly want in this world? A man full if love and kindness beside me which god has given to me and for that, i am always grateful. 

Todays' mindset will bring my beatiful family a long everlasting peace ( which no human being deserves it more than my handsome pishi):

I am glad to learn the lesson and i adjusted myself sooner than i thought. ;)

She called today and the first word after me sayong "hello", she said your voice sound better today. And i realized right away that she wants to make me defensive and bring a kid out of me who either starts explaing or paniced. But i stoped talking and said no i don't see any change and how was ur flight. 

Then i was walking and there was a sound of street and i couldn't hear what she said and i answered, i am so sorry i coulfn't hear what you said, i am walking and it might be tge reception, then she thickened her voice very sharp and repeated it word by word slowly" goftam delam barat tang shode" and very nicely i said oh mersiiiiii hala emshab mibinmetoon o khosh migzare. 

None of it even was a cincern for me at all. I am just keeping a diary 

This was brought from Mexico- puerto vallarta 2 years ago which was finished this weekend. 

Just thought to keep it as a memory since we don't have enough space to keep all our bottles ;)

Unlike yesterday, I don't want to get out of bed. It's now 10:10 AM. 

Thank god mishka's here otherwise i would continue sleeping. She is hungry and she is whisling :)

Anyway, i wanted to go to gym but i wanna leave it for the evening so that at least i know my evening won't be like yesterday. 

I don't have much energy to study. But I am happy that I am all by myself and will try to help myself to gain back some energy. 

And for future refrence, i spent a very sad and ugly evening at home with sal....

Arguement but a long one. And as usual it started with a third party

Anyways!

Hope i can study at least 1 chapter today chon engar tooye maghzam bad karde. 

I will go to gym around 5:30 or 6 PMfelan

2- Counting up

#2 september 16th @ 8:16 pm

- another arguement. Another night

- i will ignore the fact that I had such an amazing day and i did everything possible to make tonight a cozy night. I washed all vegetables, cleaned kitchen and living room and i put aside bread for birds so we can go and feed them

But I guess I am stupid. 

I should have known better that when it comes to her, i worth nothing

Today started with a new vision and a plan of different life style. 

I woke and went to 11th floor. Burned 260 calories on Tredmill, took a shower, had a healthy breakfast and cane to the lounge and started studying :)

I am sitting and studying now. 

All these agreements and clauses in the book sound very confusing and i m thinking one day i will know them all by a blink of eye. 

This pic is reminder to the future days about how amateur i was in real estate when i just started. ;) 

In few yrs i will rock it :D

Test

Counting up

#1- August 27th @ 1:45 PM

- as per request it was a friendly arguement. Lol .... 

;)

I was determined to be the best that i could .....

This was the best that i could make of myself....

I hope it's good ;)

Posting Picture problem

I have been struggling with posting pics from iPhone, this is a test from PC

Feeling lonely

We are bunch of idiots in 21st century....

My friend's confession solved a mystery.... lol

Today, after a very honest conversation that i had with maral about her being happy, she texted me after 15 mins and confessed that what she did that day at high school was an act.....

Hmmmm... I 

What can i say!!!! I only know how that changed my heart and view and i paid a lot of price ..,

Anyway, i laughed at it and said that it's ok. But.... People have become bad....

Pishim, you are just one :c

Pishi,

I just want you to know how happy you have made me in this life. 

Your peace, your calmness, your maturity and strong shoulders have made one of the happiest girls in this world. 

Baby, thanks for being the best friend, thr best hudband and the best lover in the whole world. 

Thanks for giving back my childhood again. 

Last night when me, sara and noosh were walking back, i was so happy that i m gonna see u as i knew how happy u'll become when i tell u that i drank wine with my friends and had fun. I was not worried about coming home and having to explain myself. Thank you, thank you, thank you....

Asheghtam

Dinner with dad

It was gay pride yesterday. I have never gone to see their parade. Me and pishi went and watched the parade for 45 mins. It was ok. Nothing really special but it was nice to see them happy celebrating their freedom. 

Then we bought beer from queen's quay beer store and went home. My dad came  over around 7:30 pm. We drank and went to wheat sheaf and sat in the patio, had a pither, nachos, and ordred food. 

Pishi paid for the table and i got so proud :D

It was a pretty nice night. It was so much fun abd relaxing. 

( my mom is in iran that's why she is not mentioned)

I learned again tonight

We went to parham's b-day last night with my brother and his friends. 

I believe today is the day that i quit .....

It really affects my judgment when i do it under influence of alcohol. I become overtly nice and kind and cool

I am kind but i always have a distinctive discipline which get deteriorated when i drink and sm...,

1- wine id not my drink fir now

2- pre-determine how much ur planning to drink so it won't go out of hand

3- monitor ur actions. Think about ur words first and then spit them out ( specially when u realize that u r drunk)

      - i was very nice last night which i       don't like to look like that much of a cool girl   

4- quit - doing this does not match u. More than it gives u joy, it make u feel like shit all the time so i believe today is the day that i quit 

Grilled Fish

We are at wheat sheaf right now with pishim

I ordered grilled salmon for the first time yeeeeeeey soooooo exciteeeed

Thanks to this cholestrol lol. 

Me and pishim are having so much fun and we went to swimming today

Love u

hi,
it is 11:25 and I am in Robarts library.
I am about to start writing my outline for D33 and hopefully I will be at a very good standing for this paper

It's friday night

I came out to ...'s friend place. Pishi is all talking about work and other guy stuff and computer

Will never do this anymore

What an amazing and peaceful weekend it was. Me and pishi went out and walked and ate breakfast brunch in the patio on sunday morning in spadina. We also went to an indian lunch buffet and pishi terekoond :D

And we were invited to my high school's friend party in saturday night in a cafe in kensington market. 

Love u pishim. 

Hi

I felt empty inside so just came to write here. 

Woke up, went on facebook, waiting for 11:45 to do my blood test. 

Niether know about the rest of the day nor i care. 

I hope the last moment that i wanna die,  to have the same exact feeling as i have now.....

My scattered thoughts today..

Waiting for pooyee to pick me up at the library. I studied very well today. And what a mind racing day it was.....

But i managed to study well ...

My dad and the lessons that i learned today

I just learned today that without exception everyone except ur life partner put their wishes in their first priority before u and ur well being even ur parents. 

1- only learn to care about urself and ur partner first, and only when this was satisfied, then start wasting or willingibgly spend ur time and energy for others including ur parents. Leran to be kind to ur self and the small family that is being built and that's the only thing that matters

- today i realized that everyone wanna win the game of this life or worse they even play games with u to satisfy their needs

2- doori va doosti and in this case about ur dad

- whenever u get close, he may not respect the time and ur kind heart. It is going to be me who gets hurt the most. He wasted our whole day trying to micro manage our sunday. And i can feel that he doesn not mind at all. He is sleeeping without thinking about the consequences of his actions that may negatively affect me emotionally and timely. 

- i was really mad and i left my keys as i just wanted to get out of that place. 

* doori o doosti 

- so u both can respect and maintain the good relationship

- va msintaining a big roo dar vaysi. 

* he doesn't mind that i become annnoyed. Don't forget this so don't provide this opportunity. And if it happened , walk out with no care as u should only care and be kind to urself and ur partner

* be a little selfish and not selfless

I will think more about it in the sauna and try to organize ur thought.

Don't feel bad for people when they call u at a wrong time. Think about urself. 

Just wrote this to not to forget that he has these tendencies. Don't get that much affected. 

On regular basis , he appears very emotional but don't forget in realiy, usually he cares about himself and put himself in the first priority. ( he never skips ymca on saturdays )

Graduation ceremony

Yesterday was my geaduation. 

My baby took off from work the whole day and he spent the day with me at the convocation. I love u babym and thanks for always believing in me and suppporting me all the way through this path......

My dad also came to my convocation and we went to sushi together. It was so much fun and i got a huge graduation gift. From him :D

Sitting beside the street waiting for him to  make sure that the other guy won't see me.  

My heart's broken .....

Mmm..... 

I only hope...

Omidvaram hale pishi khoob she. 

That's the only wish that i have tonight ...

I think he is not feeling well. 

I am gonna insist that he goes to swimming every morning from tomorrow...

I love u... I wanna see u happy again ... Please...

What a week, phone and this bitch

What a week has passed. I have never experienced such an emotioal failure inside me. 

Today is the day that i have to put everything behind me. 

On friday my stupid cousin called just one day before my exam. The day that i bought a 30$ software to get ready for my exam but my performance was even below average. Fortunately, my exam went pretty well on saturday morning. Even though, i knew i could do way better. I just keep hoping that my exam has gone well otherwise, it is a price that i have to pay for other's behaviour. Even if this happens, i have learnt a very big lesson. No one can ever again affect me the way this bitch ruined my soul. Next time, if it happens, the only person to be blamed is me and only me. 

Anyway!!!!

Saturday night we went to ATB.  And i dropped pishi's iPhone and it got lost. I am very embarrased and ashamed of that. I try to save money in every possible way that i can but instead i dropped a 500$ iPhone which is such an embarassment for me internally. 

All these things have affected me and my baby very deeply. 

But, today i wanna get up and get back our happiness and peace from this universe. A very kind one to me and my baby. We will go through this together and will make everything alright again. 

I am sitting at the sofa right now because i am waiting for pishi's phone call to inform me if he has found the iPhone or not. He is going back to the club today to search for the phone for the last time. My fingers are crossed. God! Please help us find it. 

By the time i know, if it is found or not, i want to help both of us to change our paradigm and get back to our not so old happiness :)

This past two months with the existence of these assholes have been such a hassle which i won't let it stay in our beatiful home any more.  

Pishim i love u and i love our small beatiful family to death....

Breaaaak even poooint

Once again we'll make it right. 

Together :)

It is only you

it does not matter how much i try to be happy.....

One thing i know, i am not to be blamed for.....

One thing is that i know i am not being missed at all :)
U gotta move on...
That's the reality of life... Accept it

He doesn't even like me, let alone love ..... no way......

Remember, you should never ever regret the decision you are making...

Not a so good sunday

It is sunday evening and i feel very empty.
Empty as sad as the whole meaning of universe...
I am done with school. I just realized that the regrets pushed me towards future and always kept me going.
I wish i had a job to go to tomorrow morning.
The only contact that i have is my mom which itself is full of ordinary conversations which seems they don't interest me that much either.
God help me get to a path.
I hope i will find a job this month.
Otherwise i will get as empty as hell.

One of the most annoying 7 days

Oh my god , i cannot believe it is friday and my dad is coming back from cuba. It was a very annoying and stupid week.
It is 2 pm now and i cannot wait to go home aline. I am tired of the whole week.
I will never ever do this again. Never ever i will accept this kind of thing. It was hard and more than that annoying.

It was really one of the most annoying week of my life which i will never forget.

4 more hrs to go.
Ta 4 shanbe hoseleye hich kaso nadaram. I missed our home with pishi

I am at my parents' now. Pishi has class today and my dad is in cuba. I came here this morning. I am waiting for the time that we can pick up pishi.
This was a verrrry annoying week

Just opened my portfolio

Just called orea while i was sitting in the change room to get ready to go to gum and sauna
I registered and got my student # :)

After a month i felt so good when i got my student number. I feel that i am back on track. Thank god. I am getting back to a normal life. So happy :)

I have to accept that things are not fair at all

I have to accept the fact that i should keep a lot of things to myself

I should accept that people even the closest person judges you regardless.

It is not always me :)

Just wanted to say that this weekend i wanted to have ......
But situation did not provide opportunity.
Last night pishi fell asleep when i got back from washroom at my parents. And tonight, pishi had a severe headache.
I am watching oscar and pishim just went to sleep.

Karma!!

Karma!!!
I don't know if i should thank your kindness or hate your cruelty.
I guess i could manage better without your kindness!!! So get the hell away !!!!

Today while i was lying on bed in silence !!!!

Yoday we went to an indian buffet with pishi and then we went to humane society and distillary district. We just got home

I dont know why i was feeling so upset this morning.
I realized today that pishi and I were always used to going out everywhere together alone.
This week my objective is to make sure that we get diet and go to gym and enjoy life :)

It is sunday morning 11:06 AM.
Pishi went to swimming. He said he will be back in 10-20 mins. It is half an hr and i am still waiting for him.
Haven't got out of bed yet. Don't feel like to.
My parents have guests. She invited us but pishi did not feel comfortable so we did not go. Their guests are gonna bring violin and drum and my mom made so much food like buffet.
Anyway we didn't go so i can lie on bed here so pishi would go and make me wait!!!

My Objectives for Future

Hi,
I guess my perfect life is getting started. which is taking care of pishi and myself and my future and the beuatiful home that we have made.
I need to work on few things for the next coming months:
1- my health: diet and gym schefule
2- my personal hobbies and achievements
3- taking care pishi and s... , home, food, etc
4- my own personal ideaology
5- careful research and analysis and follow up with my future plans for my job
I will give all these 3-4 months before I get involved in my future. and I guess if  I internalize all these habits then I have gained 90% happiness in my life :)
so excited. :D

Thank you God