You start dying if....

Peaceful Thursday evening at home

It's been a week since I quit working at UT.. Tree.
My body and soul is returning to its normal state.
I have transferred my real estate licence to a new brokerage KG. And I will start working full time there in a week or two.
I also submitted my Master application to western university today.
One thing to add is, exercise and going to gym.

Just submitted my application for Master Degree

I just submitted my application to western university for Master degree in prof. Education in ABA.
Fingers crossed!!!

Stop sharing your feelings..

Or you will be so disappointed. Once for all, stop it and accept that your feelings are your own and nobody even your husband gives a shit about it unless it's a happy feeling and there's excitement. Otherwise, they are your own to deal with.

Last night, I was craving for a kind word, for somebody to hold me tight and look into my eyes and tell me that he loves me so much, that I am the most precious thing is his life, and that no matter what he hold my hand. But it never happens. It's just all talk. Or and these words I have never heard them. He sometimes writes some nice things on Viber.

Last night, I was so alone. Got back from my parents. His mom talked non-stop. For some reason, I got a headache from all those noises and felt so depressed at night. Then I lied down and thought, reviewed a lot of things that had happened in my life, and things that I wish to have, I hugged myself so tight, caress my skin because although he was sleeping beside me, he never gives me that calmness and love when I most need it. Best case scenario, he sits and talks to me and for me it's better than nothing so I give in. I get lucky if I don't get to an argument because sometimes he attacks you at your most vulnerable moment. This morning he called, and I told him that I was really sad last night but I didn't cry and shared with him how I am planning to live in my silence because he can't even hug me when I most need it.
I told him that I am feeling so alone that I wanna get distant until I heal and his response was:
"when are you ever happy? You work you're not happy. You don't work you're not happy."

And in response, I asked him calmly not to call me today and goodbye.

And I didn't cry. My tears were about to come down but I didn't cry.
Stop sharing your feelings

I try to be with you as much as I can.
I am starting working in real estate from this week. I ll put my head down and will do my best and dedicate as much time to become successful. But I still need to stay silent, become emotionally independent and move on. In this house, I don't feel loved and appreciated. I feel like an extra piece of bloody cloth, that is only accepted if this cloth is washed and cleaned.

I have to stop talking.
Stop sharing your feelings
Stop wanting to be loved
Stop craving for a hug
I'll be much better off

Saturday Brunch @Sunny Morning

Etobicoke with pishi

Stop hanging out with this couple...

Last night, I made an unnecessary mistake. We were sitting home, listening to music and drinking. Then, pishi's phone rang and it was his friend m.i.s.a.g.h. It was around 9:30 - 10pm on Friday. He told pishi that him and his wife are around our area and me being stupid told them to come over.
I had cleaned our home the entire day and you have to look at our kitchen counter being so messy.

I am writing this to remind myself to not hang out with them anymore especially when it's last minute. I don't understand why pishi does not get the fact that not all of his friends are necessarily suitable to hang out with as a couple. This guy is cool and I think pishi should hang out with him the two of them.

1- they come and they drink without ever bringing any alcohol.
2- if we order food, this guy does not stop eating until Pizza box is empty.
3- I have nothing to talk about with his wife. She does not talk except Dore hami. So there is no point of hanging out with somebody that you feel that she is a stranger. A stranger that you don't trust and you're not enjoying your time with, and for no reason is sitting in the living room of your house.
4- khosh nemigzare bahashoon. I don't even know them and same with them. We have gone to camping and have seen each other few times, but it was never about getting to know each other. So it's a stupid and shallow getting together as a family.

So it's done and pls never do it again.

Officially resigned from UT... 😊

Omg, it's the best feeling of freedom now.
I have secured a job in real estate and will transfer my documents on Sunday.

I no longer have to work in a client's home or deal with that shitty Management and clinic. Although the owner was an asshols at the end, and I don't get a chance to say a proper goodbye to the home client, his mom and my coworkers, I am still in heaven.

Just got home from my resignation meeting lol.
Cleaned the car for my pish so he can go to work by car tomorrow morning. I even set up his seat. In the past 2 months, he only drove this car probably 3 times and paid close to my weekly wage to uber.

Yaaaaaaay.

Let's rock real estate, life, pishi's PhD and his business.

Even this little girl is happy

Cheers