Work, my personal life and my future. All wrapped around me and pushing me. It feels as if I am suffocating now. I drink green tea right after the next one, so that I don't burst in tears.
Even my husband thinks that i am unreasonable, spoiled, not a working material, and not ready to get challenged. He doesn't even feel what I feel anymore. That's ok. I keep getting dead end roads but the worst one is when you talk to the closest person to you, and he doesn't give you that comfort. He wants to but I guess he can't. So I won't blame him.
It's me who is hurt badly. If according to him, i am that unfit to work environment, then i have no more plan except work. So i better die really.
Nothing to care for. Not a small creature to care for or who needs me. Thank god whoever that is in my life is fully capable and doesn't need me to survive.
Anyway! I guess i'll stop talking. Back to my loneliness
It's easy to say that he doesn't feel or doesn't care. what is difficult is to understand how far one could go without expectation to understand and make someone else happy. It's hard to understand and feel a silent mind and heart and it's always difficult to tell the love of your life how you get impacted by their problems. You know why? Because they need to see you strong and happy .If your problems makes me so upset that I punch the wall in the washroom of my workplace, you don't see that. You just see me as calm as I have to be in front of you and it's easy to misunderstand it with not caring! I care, i just have to be strong enough so you can count on me.
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