Cleaning the house and loving my baby

Today I cleaned the house as I am getting ready to leave to Iran on friday. I am left with den, pishi's washroom and the front entrance. 

I wanted to say that despite all the hardship and stupid serious arguements that we had for the past little while, i love you to death. I only feel safe when you are around me or at least when we are under the same sky. 

Few minutes ago, I felt that there is laundry in my stomach. I feel a little worried.i can't call it worriness exactly but I feel something that affected my body. I feel a little numb and dizzy. Things that happened with the asswhole family of my dad. And everyone. 

I know I dont have to be but I feel heartbroken. Anyway. 

I have a beautiful handsome husband and life. I now know what this is. Things inside my home and between me and pishi are so good now that I am afraid may be it's a dream. It's not right? 

Nothing and no one can separate us and nothing can ever happens that makes us leave each other. Mage na? 

Only I know that sometimes I have an episode of panic attack. It paralyzes me. It's been a while since i experienced it. I am lying on the sofa now and keep breathing so that I can feel normal again. 

Baby I am going to miss you and our house. Can't wait to come back to you😕

At hospital. How unfair. For a cold and fever

Next week, at this time, I will be in iran as oppose to sitting in the hospital and watching every drip of serum water. 

I swear none of these patients have anyone sitting beside their bed. 

God knows i would never do this for my own family. 

Thank god I am leaving and I don'tknow until when. I know that I don't know them that well but at least I am far away from those that I don't want to be around them anymore. 

Arguement on Friday night. 1 week before I leave for Ira...

Next week at this time, I am in the plane on the way to Qatar. 

Last night even though I was waiting for hjm the whole day, it didn't go as expected. 

He even mentioned that Better That You're Leaving :( 

I am not mad or sad today. When we argued and I was feeling like crap, it was 10:40 PM. Hope next week you won't miss me. If you did, remember this friday. I was so sad last night and couldn't argue or cry anymore. I needed a break from ladt week's arguement. I went down stairs and saw Kim who lives at LPH 01. She invited me to her apartment for a glass of wine. 

I went and it was very nice. 

He stayed home and had pizza by himself. 

This was the first time that after an arguement going to start to make me cry and crazy, i left. 

I hope, me leaving makes him happy as well. And if not, I hope when I get back things are better. 

Anyway I am not sad today. Just wanted to document this memory. 

And there are 6 days left before i leave for iran. 

Cloudy and gray

Today, the weather is in line with me and my feeling. Cold and gray...

Except!!!!! That the love of my life pishi warms and melt my heart and keeps it hopeful...