My outfit today- 2nd meeting

1st meeting with RE/MA....

Today was the 1st team meeting with Re/ma.... Team. It took 5 hrs and from what it sounds, i will br getting clients from the team leader once I learn everything. The other 3 team members have each been in this business for more than 3 years and they have already got clients from our team member. 

I am so excited. 

I felt sooooo good and felt that I have a professional job this morning and I matter to this world. It was such an amazing feeling. I felt alive and hopefully the next decade, I will make up for the unfair lost time. I will be more in control and can surprise and treat my baby to gifts and vacations and i canalso cover part of our household finance so that pressure will be taken away from pishi. It's my dream to contribute to this house and our small family. 

Moreover, since both pishi and I are looking like two fat camels (lol), we went and ran together for 10 mins. The weather wad cold so we came back home. It happened after a long time. 

I think losing weight, intimacy, health and my work are my priorities for year 2014. 

Going to slee. I have my 2nd meeting with the team tomorrow. 

Good night :)

Back home after a week

Alan baad az 1 hafte ke be khatere flue khooneye mamanam ina moonde boodam, oomadam khoone. 

Kheili delam tange makhsoosan baraye safaye mamanam. Kheili behem resid. Kheili mehraboon bood. Kham be abroo nayavord. 

Kheili del tangam. Nemidoonam che tori farda bayad bidar sham tanha. Mamanam soba mioomad roo moble kenare takhtam mineshast :(

Bayad dobare be in tanhayee adat konam. Age halam khoobe khoob she okayam ama alan ke hanooz kamelan khoob nashodam o delam nazoke, kheili rooza too khoonamoon behem sakht migzare. 

Khoda kone shaba sal... Havamo dashteh bashe nazare delam bishtar tang she

Khodaya

Khodaya :(

Akhe khodet khoob be man negah kon. Man dige joon nadaram. Har chi dashtamo gerye kardam. 

I hope there is really something wrong with me....

I am sooooooooo tired of him. Very tired and disappointed of whom i chose for life and who he became throughout years. 

Shayad inja hamoonjayee hast ke dige rahe man o oon baraye hamishe az ham joda mishe.

Khodaya nazam kon bekhabam. Tanam dard mikone. Khodaya baram lalayee bekhoon ta aroom bekhabam. 

Kheili tanham amma midoonam dige mohabate oono nemikham. 

:( khodaya baghalam kon ta ashkamo ba baghalet pak konam :( khoda joonam kheili tanha shodam ba oon... :(

Your response

Sorry. My problem with us is your unoptional life.  I have to pay emotional, mental, physical price for you wanting me to appreciate you because you don't have option. 

I think my capacity has reached to the max. I knew one day it may happen but never knew it would at this time. 

Sorry... 

I need to have someone that i can rely on, smell him, cry in his arms when I most need him 

Anyway! I am so tired of pampering you and be always home when u open the door, be always there when you are sick, go through loneliness 12 months a year because you always have exams and assignments. I can't anymore. 

And as you said, if you were me now, this relationship wouldn't matter at this point. So i wanna be a fast learner and trust me Ii don't care about it either anymore. 

Good luck on your exam. You ruined this half. Be smart and don't ruin the otherhalf  which is your exam. 

My flue

Worst flue of my life

It's almost 5 days that i am struggling with this viral infection. It's 3 days that I am staying at my parents since as usual sal.... is not there to help me at all. 

My dad took me to doctor yesterday, bought medication, juice, fruit and everything and my mom was taking care of me. And sal.... Just came at nights, said hi, spent may be not even more than 10 minutes with me and went on to take care of his own business which is as usual is study or work. 

I know that my heart really got broken this time. I needed him mentally. Even if he would spend an hr with me. But NO HE DID NOT

Anyway! I dont think i can scrub this scar from my heart ever. This marriage or whatever you call it, is not anything comforting or reliable that I turn my face into. :(

God! Pls help me get better before my team leader comes back from US.  This is what is left for me. Everything else, are changing in front of me and my eyes