Saturday brunch- pishoo made

Universe and Me! it's gotta work out

Stop Talking and share your deepest concerns. Pleaseeeeeeeeeee🙏

Shut the fuck up and keep it to yourself. Your partner does not have that capacity that you think he has. Stop telling him about how you feel at the moment.

He just fucking slaaaaaaamed the balcony door just because I used a word "No" In the middle of the conversation.  He told me that he cares about my mental health about 2 hrs ago .

I love you universe. Know that I only have you and I count on you. I cannot count on any humans anymore. It's me and you. So, universe, please free me From all these stories and drama or take me away with you. Love you

Breakfast view- Xcaret Hotel @Bio

Shir Bache 🦁

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

My fluffy baby today

My treat for my soul today

1st Session of Thai Chi

Today, I went to my first session of Thai Chi at Shaolin Temple. Wow, today I decided that I will start learning one of the most respected ancient arts, "Kung fu".

Today I mentally switched my mind to Kung Fu and will start training from this week. 

I loved Muay Thai before I got injured and was prevented from training and I felt so lost when I realized that I couldn't train properly because of my wrist injury. It also took me a long time to find an alternative and let go. 

Last night, I developed so much respect and excitement for my new martial art school where my focus will be on tai chi, qi cong and shaolin Kung fu😊🙏

I cannot wait for the day that I feel every stance and technique as I did with Muay Thai. I promise that I will dedicate so much time and effort to learn this beautiful ancient art

Emotionally exhausted!

Not a good start to the week!

I woke up today with his alarm but I did not want to take much of his time and I was sleepy. So I waited in the bed for him to take a shower and get ready in the middle of being half sleep-half awake. Then I heard the sound of a door. I called for him.but there was no answer. Ran to the door and saw him at the elevator.

He always tells me that while I was asleep he kissed me goodbye and that I had smiled. Today I was awake and there was not even a simple goodbye. 

He has been blaming me for years and years and years for our lack of physical intimacy. But that's not true. I have been suffering hearing that and started to believe that it was my fault until recently that I got out of a very hard depression phase. It was then that I realized that I haven't been able to express my deep sadness and need for physical intimacy ultimately leading to sexual intercourse. So, I decided to appreciate his kindness and his efforts for our relationship so that I will be able to welcome his hands on my body and enjoy it. It was then that I decided to start a love journey with him my way which was verbally acknowledging that I see it and that I am ready to fall in love again. Yesterday, we took an almost intimate shower and I was happy that at least that happened. 

The reasons that it emotionally hit me hard this morning were:

1- I remember when we first met, even if he was late for work, he would hold me so tight when he woke up to relax and then he would jump out of bed. Also, there was no way that he wouldn't come and sit by the bed and hug me. And I always enjoyed it and felt the happiest girl on the planet. That was when we had the best sexual interaction of our lives together. And then it stopped. All of that stopped at Fleet when we both went our own way to study and do different things. All the loneliness, all the crying in front of his eyes without any sympathy offered led to us distancing from each other.

2- we watched a movie last night which all of a sudden resembled the short lived romantic life that we had built together.  It was difficult to convince myself to believe in ourselves and our new journey of love and intimacy. But this morning proved me wrong. 

I am never done to ruin someone's day at work, but today I was ruined and I still am. I am in a deep hollow silence in a way that I cannot help anyone but myself. I don't have the energy to talk about things anymore. Either I have to accept what is and move on, or I have to struggle with another depression until nothing is left of me. 

I am not even sure why he is so interested in dating sites. That's quite a turn off.

Anyway!

Keeping this so I know what happened to me and my feelings today.

we are the one and only!

As time goes by, and as I see how much you have been trying to cheer me up in the past couple of days, I become more hopeful that this life will turning into a really positive direction.

You totally understood me without any effort in the past few weeks when I told you that I have started digging in my past (teenage years) and you easily comprehended why I was offended about my mom two nights ago. As I spoke to others, I realized that it takes a lot of explanation and effort to make them understand my feelings. With you, it's been easy in the past few weeks. It wasn't always like that to the point where I lost all my trust. But now I see it differently and that's because I genuinely felt that you care and most importantly you understand my logic and my feelings.

I am falling in love with you again and I think I am going to keep private with the outside world for a while.

Sara's image from an outside observer:-

- Quality of thinking

- Clear vision based on logic

- physically appealing and attractive 

- putting your words into actions

- *You are a question mark and a pleasant one

- Both emotional and intellectual 

Friday morning letter from pishi

On his way to Ryerson to meet his supervisor 

Tuesday Home lunch/Brunch

Home made 😋

Shakshouka- cafe landwer

Sunday Nrunch with Pishi.

First brunch of the summer! :D

Homemade veggies burgers

Monday evening gift :D

Lessons learned in Peru Yoga Experience

I got back from Peru 24 hrs ago.

I could not give in to their mindset and it became so frustrating, frightening and difficult for me to stay any longer.

So, I am gladly back. I cannot thank pishi, my brother and my parents to for supporting me unconditionally during the hardships of this journey.

I was able to get the refund for the time that I wasn't spending there.

Despite all, I have learned what I went there for:

- being spontaneous

- having the patience to enjoy life

- intimacy with pishi

- appreciating every moment of life

❤

Apple crumble and coffee at 2AM, Lima Peru

It's 2AM peru time. I am staying at the wyndham costa del sol lima airport hotel. Couldn't fall asleep as my room is really cold and I started sneezing and coughing. I now put on my winter down jacket to feel warm a bit.

Decided to get a hot coffee and an apple crumble desert on room service.

I had to wake up in an hr anyway to get ready and head to the airport to catch my flight to Cusco.

It'll be a long day again and I don't eat airplane food. Thought it's not such a bad idea lol.

Flying to Cusco- Yoga Retreat

It's 11:40pm Peru, Lima time.

Just packed my luggage again to fly to Cusco tomorrow morning for my Yoga and soul journey.

I am not sure what is in the basket for me yet but I know it's going to be an intense experience for me.

I am not used to be around so many people with such a diverse group of people. They say we all have one thing in common and that is our like-mindedness. I really hope that is the case. Otherwise, it will be the most difficult days of my life.

Regardless, I am a fighter and I will make the best out of it to the best of my ability and capacity.

P.s. I am still very scared and overly frightened of the temazcal experience. 

I miss my home and I haven't even started the journey yet. Phewwww....

On my way to Lima

I am on the plane by myself flying to Peru to experience this yoga retreat journey.

I haven't gotten to Lima yet but I have been crying since I got on this place in Panama (lay over).

The first portion of the trip (toronto-panama city) was ok. I listened to relaxation music. The 2nd part, I cannot stop missing my baby. If I had the option to go back to Toronto tomorrow, trust me that I would.

I cannot wait to get to my hotel and let it out qnd cry for half an hr.

Since pishi dropped me off at the airport this morning, I had to play it strong in front of him. And then I was in public place up until now. My face and eye mask are all wet because I couldn't help but silently cry till I become alone in my room.

I cannot wait for this 21 days to pass. Some days are going to be really really hard but I have to either become strong or play it strong. Either way, it is a matter of survival.

Pishi Pokht- Sunday brunch